It’s been a while. So much has changed in 2 1/2 years. I’d like to move forward but I want to keep what I’ve already written because it was a part of me at that time. I think the perfect transition would be to share part of a speech I shared in Toastmasters.
Ernest Hemingway said “It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end”
The journeys in life that change us the most are the ones we never wanted to take. For me that journey began as some of you already know in a Doctor’s office 3 1/2 years ago. My husband and I sat eagerly awaiting news from our test results and we were not prepared when the Dr. looked at us and said “ You have a 5% chance of ever, (Pause) getting pregnant. If you want to have children you need to consider donor eggs or adoption”. I was devastated and as I stood outside his office in the noon day sun, tears streaming down my face my wonderful husband looked at me and said “ 5% is still a number, it’s just a number” and with those words I began the journey that would change me forever.
Eastern medicine says they can help in cases like mine so I actually braved it and went to my first acupuncture appointment. Over time acupuncture would become my weekly place to pamper myself and feel at one with the universe. I started sleeping better, I became more cheerful. Acupuncture made a huge difference in my life.
I began to take yoga a little more seriously and I even took Chinese herbs. I sought out energy healing from many practitioners and discovered Reiki for the first time. I began to meditate even though I had swore as fast as my mind goes I would never be able to silence it. Before I knew it I would meditate every day. As time marched on my meditation time grew from guided meditations where my mind would wonder to silent meditations where my mind would still as I sat in silence and the most peaceful feeling would come over me. I became more aware that everything in life is energy and I could feel the different energies around me. Somewhere along this journey I had become the person who was calmer, more content and longed for her meditation time.
As my journey of self discovery continued I found myself cross legged in a oneness-meditation. As I peacefully lost track of time listening to the meditation leader he said “You are enough. Right now in this moment.” It was this moment that I realized that I was enough. If I never have a child, I am enough right now. If there is nothing else that you take with you from my journey I hope that you go home sit still and realize that right now in this very moment that YOU are enough. This realization showed me that I was always running around chasing my tail trying to be more, do more and never feeling like I had accomplished enough. Along this journey I had begun to love myself and accept that I really am ok If I’m never a mom.
Finally, there is one more lesson that I have learned on my journey. You see, every now and then our husbands are right. Five percent indeed is after all a number. It seems this beautiful little spirit wanted her mommy to know the importance of meditating, to feel the energy all around us and to know that she is enough and one day prepared to tell her that she is enough. You see my husband was right, I am the 5%. I started this journey heartbroken and hurting and I end this journey knowing who I am in the still calm moments and happily the mother of a tenacious baby girl.
This speech belongs to Stephanie Vignal and is copyrighted.