After a year of trying to decide what to blog about vascillating from topic to topic and taking a detour to deal with my own infertility I have decided the time to begin is now. I’m not sure if anyone will actually read this but I feel I should begin with my vision.
Stepping out from almost two years of trying to conceive. Doctors, Acupuncturists, chinese herbs, hormones and fertility drugs I have decided to stop. This one act is quite liberating yet there aren’t many out there who discuss stopping the roller coaster ride and moving on with their lives. I have searched for information on moving forward and living a child free life after infterility and I have found a few though it seems that they are few and far between. I’m not sure society knows how to deal with those of us who have tried modern science yet come up short without a baby in the end. What does this journey look like, stepping out from the never ending cycle of infertility?
The truth is that I don’t know. As I begin to take back my life and discover new dreams I have decided that I should focus on those dreams I can control instead of the dream that I have tried so hard for and failed. Coming to terms with the reality that I can’t control whether or not I ever have a child there are many dreams I can control. So from this day forward this blog will be about the journey toward the dreams I can control. From time to time I am sure there will be a post or moment of sadness and reflection regarding the one dream I can’t control but the time is now to move toward the future.
With this in mind I step boldly into my new found Independence. The freedom to be happy again, to not spend hours a month in the doctors office, to not know my temperature every day and not know what my body is doing every second of the day. The freedom to drink caffeine and not worry if it’s the reason this month was not a success. We are moving into the bright future that I can actually do something about.