Just Keeping It Real

I am human just like everyone else and less over the next few years anyone may think that I am always courageous, cheerful and strong I want to take a moment to say that I am not. The world sees me as a cheerful person but in my private moments I too have moments where I am full of despair and question whether or not I should trudge on. I ponder that all the truly great people of our time and past most likely had moments like this too yet they didn’t stop.

 Recently this weekend was one of those moments. As the reality began to engulf me that once more we would be starting yet another cycle in our efforts to conceive I grew weary and began to question should we keep going on? It was the next day as I was moping about that I remembered a Napolean Hill Quote from a book I read a few years ago “You Just Might Be Three Feet From Gold”. The lesson of the story about three feet from gold is that someone stopped digging for gold, gave up and sold their rights when it turned out they were literally three feet from gold!

With this thought in mind I let the idea wash over me that my baby could be just within grasp. It has been 19 months of negatives but next month just might be my positive and all of the sacrifice will be worth the outcome. I do not know what the future holds for us, will we have a family or will this dream remain elusive. I do know that it’s not quite time to give up yet and I know how you feel when you sit alone and cry because yet another month has passed. I dry my tears, strenghten my resolve and start the next cycle with a fresh hope yet again. I know you can too.

 

Blessings in Infertility

I had lunch with a wonderful friend a few weeks ago and we discussed the concept of thinking about what we are grateful for each week. I must say that I haven’t been thinking about this so much while I have been faced with infertility but the more I thought about it the more I realized that my infertility is a blessing. Before you throw things at me out there let me explain.

I was thinking of the small things I am grateful for right now and realized I would not have these things in my life if my infertility had not forced me to begin to make lifestyle changes. I love my acupuncture treatements! Before I was told that I wouldn’t have children I would never have imagined going to acupuncture but it has become something that I look forward to and by consistently going I have become calmer and more peaceful. I also feel amazing changes in my body.

I also have re-discovered meditation. I am so excited about my meditation practice right now. I am able to focus better during mediation and I can become calm faster than I used too. It also brings a sense of joy and peace to my life. If I wasn’t going through infertility I would probably not be taking the time to pamper myself in this way and I feel less stressed and more energetic.

I also have made a few dietary changes that contribute to my health and aid my body to feel better along with the acupuncture and I am feeling healthy.

When I have days that I want to give up and believe me, even I have my moments, I think on these blessings. Infertility is a journey, a journey of your soul. You are faced with circumstances that you never imagined happening to you and surely never wanted to happen to you. Along the way, you begin to find yourself and hopefully you will find your voice as well. I am reminded of the words of Robert Frost,

” I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.”

Perhaps one day I will look back at my infertility journey as a path that has made all the difference.

 

Hope Returned

Have you ever had your hope handed back to you? Today mine was handed back to me. In July while running a battery of infertility tests I discovered I had high FSH. What does this mean? Basically my follicles aren’t producing good eggs and I was told I most likely can’t have children and only could use donor eggs. After turning to alternative medice I began going to acupuncture, changing my diet, changing to only natural skin care products and using Chinese Herbs. Today, I had my bloodwork tested again at my acupuncturists insistance. My FSH has dropped in half! I have went from someone the Doctor won’t see to someone on the borderline but they are willing to treat. I feel like hope has been handed back to me. I have a higher than 5% chance of getting pregnant and the world is full of possibilities. For those of you who have set in front of the doctor and heard those horrible words “You need to use donor eggs”, there is hope.

I spent the afternoon getting comfortable with the fact that I do indeed still have a chance to get pregnant and all is not lost. It’s a strange new feeling after four months of coming to terms with the constant thought that I probably won’t get the chance to have a child, yet here I sit with that hope handed back to me. It is a nice change and I will take the chance that I now have.

For over a year now I have wondered about my blog and what it should be about. I want to discuss women’s issues and I will because I’m passionate about them. I also think that others need to hear about my journey with infertility as I strive to become a mother, perhaps someone will be helped. Everyone, there is hope…….

 

Welcome Everyone!

Well, it seems I am about to embark on a new blogging adventure. I keep waiting to have everything perfect before undertaking this adventure. I’m currently working and going to school full time as well leaving little time for my blogging adventures. I go back and forth on what the blog should be about and I finally am settling on women’s issues that I am concerned about and anything else that strikes my fancy on a given day. I am excited to just begin, as the days unfold and my time allows the image of the blog will change and grow as I get everything in place but alas, I must begin to write. I have numerous things spinning around in my head to share right now and need to begin to formulate everything into a cohesive place for discussion. Let’s sit back and begin a dialogue about the things that matter. I look forward to our discussions as the blog begins to take shape.

Steph